By postponing the inevitable, we seem to bring about a faux surprise in the inevitable.
Realizations:
I will never know my father.
I will never be the daughter he loves, wants, and cherishes.
My father is happy without me, and only mildly guilty for the abandonment.
I have always been fine without him, I will continue to do so.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Choosing between choking, and spitting it all out.
Maybe I'm the one with the problem. Maybe, I don't like sex--I find that hard to believe, but it could be true--I suppose. I know that sex has a tendency of making me feel empty, and even if it was good sex--disappointed. Which is not an uncommon feeling when considering how many women I've spoken with about this sort of thing. Maybe the problem is that I'm an intellectual and words mean more to me than they should. But, I can't let go of simple amazing things people have said to me, that made me feel closer to them than I ever could through any kind of physical union. That one moment where you understand them, in their entirety. Which is an amazing thing! To really understand another person, so completely is practically a god send, it's an astounding accomplishment!
But, instead we have teenage girls who think that sex with the way to that cute boys heart, and in turn they're breaking their own because although I do not believe in monogamy--I do believe in being exclusive and careful of whom you choose to sleep with. I don't think that sex should be something as casual as a hand shake. But, we teach this--and we were all basically taught this. And then we wonder why marriages don't last, and why everything ends in separation--but when you think about how we base so much on sex, and how familiarity breeds contempt--it's a no brainer as to why these relationships don't last. Maybe, the truth is that we need to believe that sex is so important because of how much we've been told it merits through everything. In literature, sex is this completely spiritual enlightening experience--and it's so passionate and profound that the reader is overwhelmed with this idea of sex being the end-all of human experiences. In society, we're taught that the giving or selling of sex is perfectly okay (depending on the medium) and that it's not that big of a deal to be a complete hedonist, hedonism is fine and natural. In religion, we're taught that sexuality is something to be controlled because of the power it contains. We hand over power of ourselves to sex, and act as if this is not an act of cowardice.
Hmm...I think I just summed it up. We hand over the power of ourselves to an entity that we can blame, in this case--sexuality, for our own actions because of cowardice. In being afraid of taking responsibility for our own actions, we surrender all power over ourselves only to become complete cowards.
But, instead we have teenage girls who think that sex with the way to that cute boys heart, and in turn they're breaking their own because although I do not believe in monogamy--I do believe in being exclusive and careful of whom you choose to sleep with. I don't think that sex should be something as casual as a hand shake. But, we teach this--and we were all basically taught this. And then we wonder why marriages don't last, and why everything ends in separation--but when you think about how we base so much on sex, and how familiarity breeds contempt--it's a no brainer as to why these relationships don't last. Maybe, the truth is that we need to believe that sex is so important because of how much we've been told it merits through everything. In literature, sex is this completely spiritual enlightening experience--and it's so passionate and profound that the reader is overwhelmed with this idea of sex being the end-all of human experiences. In society, we're taught that the giving or selling of sex is perfectly okay (depending on the medium) and that it's not that big of a deal to be a complete hedonist, hedonism is fine and natural. In religion, we're taught that sexuality is something to be controlled because of the power it contains. We hand over power of ourselves to sex, and act as if this is not an act of cowardice.
Hmm...I think I just summed it up. We hand over the power of ourselves to an entity that we can blame, in this case--sexuality, for our own actions because of cowardice. In being afraid of taking responsibility for our own actions, we surrender all power over ourselves only to become complete cowards.
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